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Deviousness `anmari has been spreading her infectious positivity throughout our community for over 6 years. Throughout this time Ana has been at the core of all things devious, passionately developing an eclectic gallery, helping organise devmeets, participating in chat events and also recently completed dedicating her time as a Community Volunteer. We are absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for May 2013 to `anmari, congratulations! Read More
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Sta.sh
![[link]](http://www.deviantart.com/users/outgoing?http://i1205.photobucket.com/albums/bb428/Ami_Wills/DSC01240_zpsf1f80fcf.png){kind=link}
also, very good work!
>:I
Well hey there darlin'.
Something I always notice about your comics-
While the drawings are facking adorable and awesome, the language is a wee bit iffy. You've got some pretty weird grammar going on, and it's kind of stilted and it doesn't really flow well.
I always correct this stuff automatically in my head, but this time I decided to write it out.
You're certainly not obligated to use this, and I know this comic was a quick sketchy one so I understand if adding in fixes takes effort you just don't wanna put into it, BUT. I feel like it deserves better. The drawings just have so much emotion in them, and it looked like you were going for some pretty meaningful feels in that last panel, and I just really want the type to reflect that, know what I mean?
SOOOO I figured I might as well give my revisions to you. JUST IN CASE you felt like using them. : D
SO HERE.
Pippa: "Hey, Jack?"
"Do you think I should cut my hair? There’s this…boy, that I know…and he likes girls with short hair."
Jack: "What? No!"
Pippa: "But Whyyyyy?"
Jack: "Look, if you really wanna change your hair, go ahead. But don’t let some random guy be the reason for it! I'M your brother, and I say you look fine just the way you are."
Pippa: "So… do you think I’m pretty?"
Jack: "Of course! I think you’re beautiful, and no matter what, to me, you always will be."
Pippa: "Haha! Thanks, Jack. I love you."
Jack: "Love you too, kiddo."
"You know, if a guy ever pressures you into changing who you are,"
"Don’t worry about it. I’ll deal with him! I’ll always be there for you little sis. I promise!"
Pippa: "Jack!"
"JACK! Where are you? You…you…"
"YOU LIAR!"
Jack: (Thought bubble) "She’s calling my name?"
(And then I would say you should put this next line in where you have the picture of her just crying with jack hiding behind a tree while he thinks the above thought bubble.)
Pippa: ”You said you’d be here!!”
Jack: "But…I am here. I’ve /always/ been here."
Yaaaaaaaaay
Sorry for being annoying.
u_u
And I feel like that last line fits better with him not having a clue about what the hell is going on.
So I'm gonna sit here and hope with all my heart that you use this.
But it's okay if you don't~
*looks up*
GODDAMN this thing got long.
O_O